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Marriage Intimacy: New Approaches by Gopal Krishna, Ph.D (Paperback), 8.5" x 5.5"
Gopal Krishna Publishing, C-393, Sheikh Sarai, Phase-I, (Opp. Police Station) New Delhi-110017 Tel.: 26014162. E-mail :gopal_krishna123@rediffmail.com: Publication Date 2003, 296 Pages: ISBN 81-901482-0-6: Price Indian Rupees 250.00
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While conservative Indians don't lap up any book available on SEX (hardy any, anyway) as they do titillating magazines, calendars and X rated stuff, they do seek such books whenever in trouble. And such books are really hard to come by. There being only a limited number of Sex therapists and counselors in India and of them only a handful of would be penning out books. The author of the book under review is one of them.
It's a work by a master craftsman and it shows in the book. Practically all aspects of marriage have been covered in great detail. The title though is a lot benign than the information available in the book.
Aimed at couples ( or even individuals unmarried and soon to marry) it gives in a lucid way solutions to a majority of the problems they face (or are likely to face). Of all the 36 varied cases, facing some or the other form of marital discord, discussed in the book, most couples/individuals should be able to relate to some or the other case scenario. Each case has been spelt out in detail, analyzed and possible solutions offered.
What was disappointing though, was to note the vague and often haphazard presentation of material, index, numerous sections / sub sections and sub sub sections leading the reader to often get lost in the maze searching for the specific solution he/she is seeking. At some places the topic bluntly ends, with a fresh unrelated topic coming up next. At others, the sub titles are just not covered completely. Probably in a rush to put out the book, proper editing suffered, or there was just no proper coordination between the author and the typist.
That downer apart, as mentioned in the preface, the author's fifty years of experience does show in the book. Making an attempt at resolving the stumbling block - let me take you through the maze of marriage/sex/problems in marriage.
 ...An interesting section [in this book] is the current hot topic "Cyber Sex", whether it is true infidelity or
not? Stages through which a marriage passes, the affect of parental influence on the couple too,
is discussed elaborately. A couple of interesting cases of discord and solutions give insight into...
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Chapter 1. An attempt has been made to analyze the intricacies of the marriage - The very importance of the institution of marriage, how do males and females look at it, and a general overview of why marriages fail. The main foundation of marriage is then discussed- Pillars as he calls it. An interesting section is the current hot topic "Cyber Sex", whether it is true infidelity or not? Stages through which a marriage passes, the affect of parental influence on the couple too, is discussed elaborately. A couple of interesting cases of discord and solutions give insight into the complexities involved in settling cases. While no 2 marriages are same Dr. Krishna has tried to categorize marriages into types (Commercial, Savior, Mistress, Sexless. . and so forth) and offered examples in each. Divorce, Law suits, recent trends and the effect of the same on the child is too is an interesting section to read. A patient reading of this section by both the partners in a sliding down marriage can, I'm sure, resolve a lot many differences, an may even prompt them to put off the final inevitable split.
Chapter 2. From marriage the focus now shifts to Sex. While to most of us Sex would be mere intercourse, the author has delved deep into the intricacies of Sex. Cases where sex has been the bane of crisis have then been discussed. A must read for all is the "First Night " and the "Myth and Misconceptions " part. It is plain unimaginable that there ever could be such bizarre ideas prevalent amongst people. The Mars and Venus syndrome - why all the difference in definition of sex for males and females, takes one to the stages of intercourse and the importance of each - Foreplay and its association with Erogenous zones. Here is all the mismatch and one is taken to fitness, healthy habits, yoga and other such like topics. A small section on "Kegel Exercises" is an extremely important inclusion. The last couple of pages in this chapter are devoted to bringing the art of romance into dull and dead marriages. Fantasizing, Teasing, Flirting and Sensate focus is all that is discussed. While the art of "Quickie" might be known to many, a term probably which the author has himself coined is "Minimooning". How to bring about that spark back, one had in the days of Honey mooning is what is stressed. A major problem sex therapists face is patient's eternal quest and search for the ideal "Aphrodisiac" - when in fact NONE truly exists. That is what has 3 pages devoted to it. The summary too at the end of the section stresses the same "Sex in itself is an aphrodisiac. No drug or device is better than SEX". Small factoids "Truth about sex" - in form of small tidbits / points can be an eye opener for some. A thought provoking part are the last 2 pages on Old age and Sex. Some thing that all dread and try never to think about.
...Dr. Krishna has analyzed problems right from the first year to as marriage progresses and offered some classic solutions. Couples would be well advised to experiment on these as well as also chart out their own alternatives...
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Chapter 3. This small chapter which could have been incorporated with Chapter 1 is about Reasons as to why marriages fail. How the very concept and meaning of marriage has changed in the present scenario. All problems do ultimately boil to ego and its various ramifications. Dr. Krishna has analyzed problems right from the first year to as marriage progresses and offered some classic solutions. Couples would be well advised to experiment on these as well as also chart out their own alternatives. Being so long in practice Dr. Krishna has a wealth of knowledge in just about all aspects of marriage and accompanying problems.
Chapter 4. Its brass tacks time now. The nitty gritty of SEX. Positions ( No visuals please !!!) are discussed here. Limited to 4 major positions and minor variations in each he has discussed the pros and cons of each. A major trouble area is the question of penile size. Good news, for many - positions that is best for each size. Part B of this chapter, seemed to be an oddity ! Too theoretical and a summary in a way of what has already been discussed.
Chapter 5. Masturbation. For all those who have been worrying their heads off on all myths and misconceptions related to masturbation this is something of the last and final word on the subject. Starting with myths and misconceptions associated with the subject there is a note about Excess masturbation and an overview of what all can be done to prevent excessive masturbation.
Chapter 6. No where would one get such a lucid write up on ORAL SEX. Those who abhor it kindly excuse, but to those whom it is must - just freak out. It naturally looks at the 2 aspects - Cunnilingus ( Sex by Male on female ) and Fellatio ( by Female on male). There is a whole lot of theory associated with the latter. A couple of interesting cases too have been discussed with a boxed item on Quotes on Oral Sex.
...A great read over all. Go through it once and then re read the sections offering solutions to the problem you face. Should definitely benefit troubled couples, be it marriage or Sex...
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Chapter 7. While this stress on "Orgasm" was not really necessary for those females for whom it really is problematic this is the chapter to read. Though nothing succeeds like actual practice going through all this theory might help a few women to achieve that ever elusive big "O". It must be stressed that failure to achieve it is in No way any indicator of lack of sex drive or any problem or a disease state. Go ahead try your best - but don't be disappointed if things don't work. A lot depends on the partner and there are a couple of interesting techniques which have been discussed. Yes, a lot can be done for at least achieving Emotional Orgasm.
Chapter 8. A mere extension of 7, this is for those exalted few "orgasm achievers " who still want to continue the high and learn to become multi orgasmic. Again a couple of interesting cases have been discussed. Patience is the crux - coupled with exercises.
Chapter 9. Oh! something for the males finally. The last two chapters (just less than 1/8th of the book is dedicated to male problems. This chapter is on ED - Erectile Dysfunction. Starting with statistics the author has classified ED is sub types. Detailed mechanism of functioning of the organ is then explained (again that lack of continuity creeps up ) which again is explained later in different words. How should the couple (not male only) go about managing the condition is then discussed. Just as extreme patience is required for treatment and good results so also the article very patiently delves into the treatment - stepwise (8 steps spread over days - Do you really have that much patience??)
Chapter 10. An interesting chapter once again. Prolonged sex is what it is all about. Those who are normal how can they prolog it and for those whom it is a problem how do they manage it. 3 methods by three different masters are explained. Choose the one that suits you.
A great read over all. Go through it once and then re read the sections offering solutions to the problem you face. Should definitely benefit troubled couples, be it marriage or Sex.
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-Dr. Vivek Jain Dr. Vivek Jain is a postgraduate (MD Skin and Veneral Diseases) from the Baroda Medical College, India and is in private practice in Baroda since last 13 years (1991 onwards) in addition to being on panel of Doctors of various industries/MNC's in and around Baroda. A prolific writer, he has had over 100 articles of his run in various magazines (Femina, Health, New Woman etc) and national dailies (Times of India, Indian Express). He loves dabbling in religion, philosophy and spiritualism. His pet subjects are Sexology, all male and female Sex related problems, Sexual counseling and Pediatric Dermatology. Rational use of the latest therapies in conjunction with correct understanding of the disease process is what he believes in. A major part of his precise therapy includes stress on the psychosomatic aspect of the disease and a holistic approach to achieve the best results with minimum drugs. He can be contacted via Email at docvivek@icenet.net His other contacts are: Dr. Vivek Jain MD (Skin & VD) 102 Aushadh Chambers, Sanstha Vasahat, Pratap Road,Raopura BARODA 390001 GUJARAT - INDIA Ph 0265 2410907 Mobile 9825433985 |
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